last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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