And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
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