I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
