Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
