All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
