Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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