I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
