she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
