i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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