Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
