the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
