turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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