I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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