I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
