Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
