Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
