He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
