just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Randomize
