yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
