why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
