If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
