The brown eye won't let me do that either.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
