I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
We are all done wearing pants today
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
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