fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
