i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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