in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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