Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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