420 ftw
grandma shit on top of the toilet
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
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