I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
How external is "for external use only"?
I fill condoms, not promises.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
