I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
