Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
