Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
