You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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