Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
