Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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