Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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