he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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