dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
