break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
My life is pants optional.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
