I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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