i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
