I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Randomize
