Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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