I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
