i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
