I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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