well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
