I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
