I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
