You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
