i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
