I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
