Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
