you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Randomize
