Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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