He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
