great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
