i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
